What does your child do when they are faced with a challenge? Some children get excited by a challenge and face it head-on. Others children can struggle to get started. They may even become skilled at avoiding problems altogether. Growth Mindset has become a trendy concept in educational and parenting circles as a way to help kids be and feel successful. As parents, we want to help our children have every advantage, but the to-do list can become very overwhelming. In this article, I will share why a growth mindset is essential and give you 5 ideas for how you can encourage a growth mindset for your child.
Why Is Growth Mindset Important?
Growth mindset is an idea coined by Carol Dweck from Stanford University. Basically, she says there are two types of mindsets, fixed and growth. People with a fixed mindset believe, likely unconsciously, that their intelligence and talent are fixed and unchangeable. They want to be perceived as and generally are, smart. But they tend to choose low-risk activities that require minimal effort. A fixed mindset comes from a place of fear and a belief that failure is catastrophic. Trying something new or challenging o results in feeling paralyzed. In my experiences, these children tend to be the anxious perfectionist that show up in my office.
Growth mindset is the belief that with practice, persistence, and effort, a child becomes smarter and can build their talent. Growth Mindset is a pretty awesome thing that we all want for our children, right? But if you are anything like me, it feels so overwhelming to figure out how to add yet another thing. Here are my hacks for supporting your child’s (and your own) growth mindset in just a few minutes a day.
1) Give Kids Permission To Fail
Explicitly let your children know that failure is okay and an opportunity for learning and brain growth. Help them choose goals that are interesting to them, but also pushes their comfort zone. Then work with them to set realistic expectations and milestones. Encourage them to aim high, try hard, and fail (or thrive) epically!
2) Praise And Feedback
Praise and feedback are essential, but some types promote mindset growth, while others reinforce a fixed mindset. Praise that supports a growth mindset is specific and sincere. You want to focus your attention on skill-building, process, and effort. Avoid vague praise and intelligence/talent-focused. An example: ““You are so smart”” vs. ““I saw how you used that new math skill to get your answer super quickly.’ Your hard work has paid off. Feedback requires the same consideration. Instead of celebrating the soccer victory, celebrate the characteristics the team demonstrated, which resulted in a positive outcome.
3) Pay Attention To The Self-talk
Have you heard your kids announce that they can’t do something? Or say other disparaging things? It feels really natural to some of us to jump right and proclaim those statements faults. Rather than trying to convince them that their thought is wrong, help them frame it in a way that is more accurate and demonstrates self-compassion. When you hear your child say ‘I can’t do this’ help them shift the language to ‘I can’t do this, yet.’ I’m stupid becomes ‘This is really hard, and I’m frustrated.’
4) Evaluate Your Own Growth Mindset
If you are serious about supporting your child’s growth mindset, spend some time exploring your own mindset and thinking about how you handle challenges. What are those nagging little thoughts that pop into your head that keep you from taking essential and exciting risks?
Kids can be so intuitive, and they are always watching. You can talk about it is okay to fail and make mistakes, but show them by trying hard things yourself. Do you let your kids see you failing and making mistakes too? We are often tempted to hide our shortcomings from our children, but it is helpful to give them an age-appropriate peak into our struggles. It can be empowering to know that adults struggle with these things too.
5) Maximize Your Commute With Engaging Podcasts That Teach And Demonstrates A Growth Mindset
Maybe this article has shown you that you need to focus a bit on your own growth mindset. Or perhaps you see the need but feel overwhelmed about how to implement these changes. I have a little resource that I think can help. Let an expert help you with the heavy lifting and check out The Big Life Kids Podcast.
These podcasts are little ‘radio shows’ for kids. The main characters, Zara and Leo, share information about the brain while telling incredible stories. The stories are about real people who have worked hard and shown persistence, perseverance in the face of some pretty significant challenges. I suggest you listen to them with your children because:
1) they are fantastic,
2) you will learn something about your own growth mindset,
3) transform your commute from boring to connecting.
4) and they provide material for a discussion that will help you and your children integrate the information.
Support our child in developing a growth mindset by creating an environment that encourages taking risks and rewards effort. Remember, meaningful change takes time and happens best by making small changes. Choose one or two of the activities above and make a small but intentional change. Don’t forget your own growth mindset in the process- the effort is more important than perfection.
If you are finding that anxiety and perfectionism continue to keep your child ‘fixed’ in their mindset, I am here to help. Hop on over to the Child Therapy page to see more about what therapy for children looks like.