Empathy, empathy, empathy.
We hear it is important, but what exactly is it, and why is it a skill that children need?
Empathy is the ability to have compassion, "put yourself in another's shoes," or to take another's perspective. It has been shown to increase acceptance by peer groups, boost joyfulness, and even lower blood pressure in adults! Instilling empathy from a young age paves the way for other vital social skills that children will need: imagination, curiosity, self-restraint, awareness and even love and cooperation. No wonder it has been named one of the essential 21st-century skills as we move to a more globalized, interconnected world!
Knowing this, I was eager to instill this crucial skill in my clients and my own family. Here is a list of books that I am using to teach kindness and perspective-taking (listed from toddlers to teens). Please consider shopping small and purchasing from some of the local bookshops such as Boulder Bookstore and Grandrabbits. ENJOY!
All Better! – Henning Lohlen, Berd Penner
The is the most darling interactive board book. It lets children engage in making it "all better" through the cadence of "clean it, kiss it, put a bandage on it." From 0 to 2, children learn empathy through their caregivers, responding to their needs. We see them begin to care for others through baby dolls and pets as they gain more confidence. The book includes five color-coded "bandages" that children love to soothe the animals' bumps and scrapes. It has been a massive hit for my 1 and 3-year-old.
The Body Book – Roz Maclean
"Mom, why do you want to be fat?" Yikes, cringe! My son asked a sincere question, and I was glad to have this book on his nightstand. The Body Book By Roz MacLean is an excellent starting point to teach young children that every-body is different. Bodies act, move, look, "need" different, and are worthy of respect. My favorite size-inclusive page: "Some bodies wibbly, some bodies wobble. Everybody I know needs to chomp, munch and gobble." It also introduces different sensory preferences: "some bodies love hugs, some bodies need space." You can tell the author is an educator passionate about diverse needs!
Jabari Jumps – Gaia Cornwall
At first look, Jabari Jumps is about a little boy overcoming his fears of heights. When I read this, I like to take it a step further by asking my audience to put themselves in Jabari's place: "Have you ever been up that high? How did it feel?" "What is it like to have people waiting for you to jump?" "What would it be like if you were waiting behind him?" "How could we encourage Jabari?" Being able to role play and imagine another's visceral experience leads to less bullying, healthy problem solving, and collaboration! His father also beautifully models the support Jabari needs in each moment (spoiler: he warmly normalizes his son's fear and empowers him to make the decision when he is ready).
Hiya Moriah – Victoria Nelson, Boddz
This book truly deserves its own post (discussing it with the author now, stay tuned)! This was created by a preschool teacher whose daughter, Moriah, was born with a rare, medically-complex syndrome called CHARGE. Children love asking questions about the medical equipment that she uses, and they giggle when she is "naughty." This work of love is a beautiful exposure to differences and to a parents' love for their unique child. Children may see their schoolmates, grandpa and grandma's, and people in public using machines like Moria's. This book can help spark curiosity and breaks down barriers while educating about these life-giving machines that are not to be feared.
SUPERHEROES Are Everywhere – Kamala Harris, Mechal R. Roe
When VP Kamala Harris was a little girl, she loved superheroes. When she looked around, she found them everywhere! I love this book because it speaks to everyday heroes that make our world a kinder place. At the end of each page, there is a question for further discussion, "Who can you count on," for example. It concludes with characteristics that children can cultivate (Are you kind, brave, curious…). Use this to inspire an appreciation for others and political engagement. How exciting when they can point out our first woman VP on TV!
Right now, I AM KIND – Dr. Daniela Owen, Gulce Baycik
This is one of a lovely installation of books by Dr. Daniela's Owen, Ph.D., assistant professor of clinical psychology at the University of California, Berkeley. She has published this and others specifically to help children deal with the complications of stress and anxiety from the COVID Epidemic. Right now, I AM KIND is written in a way that explains the how and the why's of being kind, which can invite any little skeptic to give it a try. The language used throughout the books may also serve as a calming meditation, ending in "right now, I am kind, I am brave, and I am fine."
A House for EVERYONE – Joe Hirst, Naomi Bardoff
I found this when I was seeking resources for my own parental journey. I have a lively son that loves to twirl and dress up, playing boys' and girls' roles. This book teaches us that while we have different outward appearances and preferences, we are all the same at heart and can be friends. It takes place between a group of children creating a lovely house out of sticks. Each child is introduced as they appear to others, such as Ivy, the fastest runner, who likes to wear her hair short. Each friend plays an integral part in creating a House for Everyone. This book will be excellent for educators and parents. It includes a lesson plan, discussion topics, and the addition of "Notes for Grownups." The Supporting Children section will make the concepts easy to understand. They are integral for children to feel safe and comfortable to thrive.
This BOOK is ANTIRACIST- 20 lessons on how to wake up, take action, and do the work. – Tiffany Jewell, Aurelia Durand
I was pleasantly surprised to find a great abundance of empathy-instilling social-emotional books at our local Grandrabbits toy shop! This Book is the newest, cutting-edge, brightly-colored truth bomb for young adults in this significant time that we are living. Young people will feel empowered to understand their unique identity, including race, ethnicity, and social identities while learning how these identities have shaped our society in a way that benefits some and makes it harder for others. "This book is written for EVERYONE -including the young person who doesn't know how to speak up to the racist adults in their life, the kid who has lost themself at times trying to fit into the dominant culture, the children who have been harmed (physically and emotionally) because no one stood up for them or they couldn't stand up for themselves, and also for their families, teachers, and administrators."
I hope you enjoy sharing these 8 great books with your children. If you are curious to learn more about the work we do helping kids be their best self, check out our page on child therapy.